Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

woman-screaming

Hello! Fear seems to be an appropriate topic, since it is now October. Fear holds us in place. It keeps us from reaching our goals. It also stops us from letting go of the things in life that aren’t working. It’s something we all deal with every day. These are just a few of my fears…

Fear of letting go of control.
A few weeks back my husband and I took a couple of days vacation. We decided to go stay up in a no kidding hobbit hole near Chelan. It was wonderful. But I was scared. I feared letting go of work, something I badly needed to do. Even on the day we left, I found myself with a number of tasks requiring my attention: an invoice needing to be issued, a contract needing to be signed, and an audiobook needing to be uploaded. All of these things I eventually chose to put off until after I came back. But it was difficult. “It wouldn’t take too long to do these now,” my fear reasoned. For me this was a slippery slope, and thankfully my gut knew it. If I did these seemingly minor stuff, I would be eroding that line between work and personal life I badly needed to establish for my own well-being. But for just a moment, my fear of control and seeming unprofessional ruled me.

Fear of taking the next step.
Another way fear tried to wrestle its way into my life recently was when I decided I needed to take the next step in my career and get more coaching. It’s so silly to even think about, but I was a jumble of nerves at the thought of coaching. That little voice in my head said “what if I really suck? What if those half a dozen game companies that have hired me don’t know what they’re doing, and I’ll find out I’m really not cut out for this? What if…? What if…?” In the end, everything was fine. But even if it wasn’t, so what? So I would learn sooner rather than later, not to waste my time. Isn’t that a good thing? Fear doesn’t think that way though.

Fear of losing my voice.
After a particularly gruelling game session on Monday I lost my voice. It was stupid and avoidable, but by Monday afternoon I had a croak which remained until Wednesday. I knew my voice would come back in a couple of days. I knew I just needed to drink lots of soothing herbal tea and steam my vocal folds. But my fear (and WebMD) told me acute laryngitis can sometimes last a couple of weeks, and what if that happened? I’ve got back-to-back audiobooks! I didn’t let the fear overpower me, but it was there in the back of my mind…

Unfortunately the only thing you can really do about fear is not let it rule you. Meditation and breathing have helped me a lot. I not only find it calming but it helps me to recognise the fear when it rears its ugly head. Recognition is key because fear can disguise itself. It might look like procrastination, or even practicality, and you have to discern whether what’s holding you back is real or the fear talking. What tools do you use to conquer fear?

In other news, I have two new audiobooks that just came out. Betrayals’ Price is the first book in a series by fantasy author Lisa Blackwood. Meanwhile, WhiteWing, the last book in the First Ordinance series also just came out. Have a listen!


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